I don't normally consider ADHD to be a handicap. It is not, generally, a crippling disease.
But sometimes, my life is handicapped by my ADHD. Like, when I'm sitting in my pajamas working, with my child sleeping in the other room, and I realize his therapist will be coming over in 8 minutes.
Oops. At least I can get dressed quickly.
"I have seen a change in parents' attitude toward delaying entry or repeating a grade," [says Suzy Post, director of admission at Rumson Country Day School, Rumson, N.J]. Amid a trend toward "red-shirting," or delaying children's kindergarten entry, the proportion of kindergarteners who are at or near the age of 6 has risen sharply.A friend of mine has a child who, while academically ready for Kindergarten, will spend another year in Preschool this year, because his parents and teachers don't feel he has the self-esteem to perform to his capacity in Kindergarten yet.
A 2009 Rand Corp. review of 91 studies found retention usually didn't benefit students academically over the long term. Any academic gains tend to last only a year or two and fade over time, says the study by Rand, a nonprofit research organization.If we keep that up, a child could be in school for 24 years instead of 12!
Studies suggest, however, that holding a child back at any age raises the risk of dropping out of school later, says Karl Alexander, a sociology professor at Johns Hopkins University. Being held back may mean a child is older or more mature physically than peers in middle or high school, making it harder for a child to "fit in" at an age when that is especially important, Dr. Alexander says.This statement supports the National Association for School Psychologists, which has conducted and reviewed research into student retention.
When comparing retained students with similarly under-achieving but promoted peers, research indicates that retained students have lower levels of academic adjustment in 11th grade and are more likely to drop out of high school by age 19 (Jimerson, 1999). In fact, retention was found to be one of the most powerful predictors of high school dropout, with retained students 2 to 11 times more likely to drop out of high school than promoted students (Jimerson, Anderson, & Whipple, 2002). Furthermore, the retained students are less likely to receive a high school diploma by age 20, receive poorer educational competence ratings, and are also less likely to be enrolled in post-secondary education of any kind. These youth also receive lower educational and employment status ratings and are paid less per hour at age 20 (Jimerson, 1999).Wrightslaw has a number of resources about holding children back a grade. If you or your child's school are considering retaining a child because of delays, I recommend you do research and think about a number of options.
This post isn't about ADHD, but about family issues, especially love and forgiveness. I am a firm believer in restorative justice – the power of forgiveness and using "punishment" as a tool for healing. I even did a big paper during law school on the South Africa's Truth and Reconciliation Commission – the power of the aggressors and victims talking and finding some resolution for what has been done to the victims.
My next door neighbor is big on restorative justice, too, and on forgiveness. The past 2 years, I have watched her work hard on forgiveness after her son was killed in a single-car drunk driving accident – his best friend was driving. To make a long story short, she worked hard with the prosecutor to make sure the driver would not spend the rest of his life in jail, while working to compensate for his bad judgment. This kid is a felon – and it is only through my neighbor's forgiveness that he won't spend his life in prison.
Part of his community service requirement is to help my neighbor with some projects, including starting and raising money for a nonprofit. They will get to know each other very well through this, and it cannot be easy for her – even though this is (well, otherwise) a great kid who works hard and should have a bright future.
I didn't think this would affect me; I barely knew Torey. But today as I was walking out to my car, 16-month-old child in my arms, I realized the man cutting my neighbor's grass is probably "the kid who killed Torey." And my stomach just dropped, with fear and anger. I held my son tighter and didn't waste any time getting to the car and going. Wow. I realize I will have to do some forgiveness, and it will take a bit of work. This is nothing compared to what my neighbor is feeling, but to actually feel this …
I still believe in restorative justice. But now I have more understanding for victims who say they "just can't." It is a lot of work.
I haven't updated here for a while, so wanted to post an update on Buddy, for anyone who is interested.
His IFSP is going well. He has a very supportive team – it was AMAZING that the initial meeting was so supportive! We had to have another a couple of months ago to add a service, but not as many people were there – and it was very quick and easy, with no resistance.
He is receiving Occupational Therapy, Physical Therapy and Speech Therapy every week – one hour of each. Since Buddy is under 3, the services are provided "in the child's natural environment," which is at home, except once a month he gets OT and PT at daycare instead. He enjoys playing with his therapists, and since they are at our home, I am learning things to do with him at home to aid his development.
After a few weeks of therapy, the PT suggested we look into orthotics for his feet. This can be done through FirstSteps as well, saving us a TON of money (I think they were $700!). We had a meeting to add this service, with just the PT and Service Coordinator. Everyone else on his team was invited, but did not think it was necessary to be there so they did not come.
The orthotics are making a BIG difference, and we can already see him standing better, and more confidently, even when he is not wearing them. At the beginning of May, he started taking a few steps on his own. He still doesn't have a lot of confidence in his balance, but it is improving!
Because he is small, the pediatrician recommended we talk with a Nutritionist. Surprisingly, this is also a service that First Steps provides. I talked with our service coordinator, who set up an evaluator. Buddy will have a nutritional evaluation next week. His size may just be genes, and not a problem, but – why not get it checked out now, if we can? If we discover a problem now, it will save us lots of headaches later.
I'm so glad we have a supportive IFSP team and that we are getting early intervention for Buddy!
